Beginner belt guide: everything you need to know

If you've landed on this article, you're probably curious — and not quite sure where to start. That's completely normal. The strap-on is one of those sex toys that people rarely talk about openly, even though there are plenty of perfectly legitimate questions surrounding it.

I've had dozens of conversations about this subject with my customers. Heterosexual couples who wanted to explore pegging. Women in relationships with women who were looking for their first strap-on. Men curious about prostate stimulation. Every time, the questions are the same: what size? Which material? How does it actually work?

And beyond the technical side, there's also everything that goes on in your head. Curiosity, sometimes a little embarrassment, and the desire to try it without knowing whether you'll enjoy it. That's exactly why I wrote this guide: so you can move at your own pace, with clear information and no pressure.

I'll answer all of that here, simply and without taboos.

What exactly is a strap-on?

A strap-on is a dildo attached to a harness that you wear around your hips. It allows you to penetrate your partner, either vaginally or anally. The person wearing the harness controls the movements, just as with traditional penetration.

What I like about this sex toy is that it's truly universal. It's used by couples of women, heterosexual couples who practice pegging, trans men, and non-binary people. There isn't one typical user profile — there are as many ways to use it as there are couples.

People often talk about domination or reversed roles, but in reality, it's mainly another way to share pleasure. Some see it as an exploration, while others make it part of their regular sex life. Both are completely valid.

According to a survey by the Feeld app published in 2025, interest in pegging among cisgender men increased by 200% in three years. That's significant. The curiosity is there, the taboo is fading — and that's very good news.

What size should you choose to start?

This is the number-one question I hear, and my answer is always the same: start smaller than you think.

For a first strap-on, a length of 12 to 15 cm with a diameter of 3 to 4.5 cm is ideal. That's enough to reach sensitive areas — the G-spot for vaginal penetration and the prostate for anal penetration — without risking discomfort.

What really matters isn't the size, but control. Slow movements, good communication, and listening to your body will always make more difference than an extra centimeter.

The classic mistake is wanting to impress someone or assuming that bigger means more pleasure. That's not true, especially during your first attempts. The body needs time to adjust.

Start comfortably. You can progress according to your preferences.

Which material should you choose?

I'm very strict about this, especially for anal play. Always choose a dildo made of medical-grade silicone. It's the safest material: non-porous, hygienic, and easy to care for.

Avoid cyberskin, TPE, and jelly. These materials are porous and can retain bacteria even after cleaning. For regular or shared use, they aren't recommended.

If you want to vary the sensations later on, you can explore other materials such as glass or stainless steel. But to begin, stick with something simple, clean, and reliable.

The harness: how do you choose?

To start, I recommend an underwear-style or jockstrap harness. It's easy to put on, comfortable, and lets you focus on the sensations rather than the fit.

Strap-based models offer greater precision and support, but they require a little practice. That's a natural progression after a few tries.

A good harness is one you forget you're wearing. If it bothers you, shifts around, or feels too tight, it will disrupt the experience. Take the time to choose carefully.

Lubricant: truly essential

For anal penetration, lubricant is essential. Without it, the body isn't prepared and the experience can quickly become uncomfortable.

Use a water-based lubricant and apply it generously. For even greater comfort, anal lubricants are designed to support gradual relaxation.

A good rule of thumb: reapply regularly. Lubricant dries over time, and adding more can make all the difference.

How do you bring up pegging with your partner?

The most important thing is communication. Talk about it simply and without pressure. It's not an obligation, but a suggestion.

Explain what intrigues you and what you'd like to try, then give the other person time to think about it. Everyone moves at their own pace.

Among couples who practice it, what often comes up is a stronger sense of connection. You discover another way to trust each other and share intimacy.

If you want to explore further, you can also read my article gentle BDSM.

Take your time: the real key

There's nothing to achieve and nothing to prove. A strap-on is an exploration. Sometimes it works right away; sometimes it takes several attempts to find your bearings.

Listen, adjust, and slow down. Above all, remember that pleasure rarely comes from performance, but rather from connection and mutual attentiveness.