Which lubricant should I choose: the day everything changed in my mind

Written by Alicia Deroussen, founder of Adopt1Toy—judgment-free advice, with care.

She'd picked up the sampler set of twenty single-dose sachets, set it on the counter, and looked at me with an expression that was both curious and slightly lost. “But really, what's the difference?” I remember smiling—not condescendingly, but in recognition. Because that's exactly the question I asked myself years before opening the store, standing in a pharmacy with my arms hanging at my sides in front of shelves I didn't understand. If you want to know which lubricant to choose without getting bogged down in jargon, you're in the right place.

Which lubricant to choose based on its base: water, silicone, oil, or hybrid

The first distinction to understand—and the one that changes everything—is the base. These aren't marketing nuances: they behave radically differently on the skin, in the body, and with your toys. Here's what I tell every customer who asks me about it for the first time.

Water-based lubricant is the most versatile. Compatible with all sex toys and condoms, and it won't stain your sheets. Its drawback: it gets absorbed. Sometimes it disappears at the worst moment. For everyday vaginal sex, it's often enough—but if you have vaginal dryness or like to take your time, you'll need to reapply two or three times.

Silicone-based lubricant lasts a long time. It glides, protects, and doesn't evaporate. Many people prefer it for anal sex or longer sessions. But here's the trap I've seen so many customers fall into: silicone destroys silicone sex toys. Slowly, chemically, irreversibly. The surface becomes sticky, porous, uncomfortable—and no warranty will cover it.

L's oil is gentle on the skin, nourishing, and great for massage. But it's incompatible with latex condoms—oil degrades latex, period. It's not ideal for vaginal areas over the long term either, because it can disrupt pH.

L'water-silicone hybrid aims to offer the best of both worlds: longer-lasting than pure water-based lubricant, without the risks of pure silicone on sex toys. In practice, it's often a good compromise for couples who use both condoms and toys.

A rule I always follow in the shop: if you don't know what your sex toy is made of, choose a water-based lubricant. You can't go wrong.

Luna — Golden rule: when in doubt, water-based means zero risk. Always. 💧

Effect lubricants—warming, cooling, stimulating—and how to get it right

When I started selecting products for Adopt1Toy, I tested effect lubricants with some skepticism. Because “warming” can mean “gentle and pleasant” or “burning and uncomfortable,” depending on the person.

The principle behind warming lubricants is that they react to friction or breath. The more you move, the warmer it gets. On erogenous zones, the effect can be really pleasurable—it awakens the senses and intensifies things. Intimateline's Wish Hot warming gel is the one I most often recommend for trying warming effects for the first time, because it heats up gently rather than hitting you like a slap.

Cooling lubricants—mint, eucalyptus—create a tingling sensation that can be delightful or unsettling, depending on the person. I slipped Pasante mint gel into several bags at couples' workshops, and the feedback was very mixed. Some loved it; others messaged me the next day to say it was too intense.

Three rules I give everyone before trying an effect lubricant:

1. First apply a small amount to the inside of your wrist and wait two minutes.
2. Never start on mucous membranes if you don't know how you'll react to the product.
3. Keep water within reach — not to wash away the effect, but to dilute it if it's too intense.

2-in-1 massage and glide lubricants save time and space on your nightstand. Bijoux Indiscrets bubble-scented gel and Durex ylang-ylang massage gel really work for both — start with a massage and carry on without missing a beat.

Anal sex, pregnancy, sensitive skin, menopause — when lubricant becomes a real matter of care

There are situations where choosing a lubricant stops being a matter of preference and becomes almost a medical consideration. Not in an alarmist sense — but in the sense that some mucous membranes need extra care.

For anal use, I repeat this to everyone who asks: it's the only situation where I consider lubricant non-negotiable. The anal lining doesn't lubricate itself naturally. It's delicate. Not enough lubricant means guaranteed discomfort and sometimes tiny tears. Intimateline Lubranal anal lubricating cream is the one I know best for this use — oil-based, rich texture, specially formulated. But since it's oil-based, avoid latex condoms and clean your toys afterward.

For sensitive skin and mucous membranes, here's what I always check on the label before recommending a product:

• No glycerin (can promote yeast infections in some women)
• No parabens or harsh preservatives
• No artificial fragrance or coloring
• The shortest ingredient list possible — the fewer active ingredients, the lower the risk
• pH close to that of vaginal mucous membranes (between 3.8 and 4.5)

To try it without risking buying a large bottle that isn't right for you, I recommend starting with the box of twenty single-use sachets I stock: you can find out what works for you before committing to a larger size.

During pregnancy, mucous membranes are often more sensitive and sometimes drier. The same rule applies: a simple formula, test a small amount, and check with your doctor if you have any concerns.

For menopause — and this is something I can talk about now without any embarrassment, because post-menopausal vaginal dryness affects so many women and nobody talks about it openly — a good lubricant can completely transform your intimate quality of life. Water alone often isn’t enough. A good-quality hybrid or silicone lubricant, used regularly, makes all the difference. It’s not a medication, but it’s a real everyday comfort aid. L

Lea — Taking care of yourself means this too. Not a luxury — a given. 🌿

What I wish someone had told me the first time I went looking

Back to this customer, and the box on the counter. We talked for twenty minutes. She left with a formula I'd scribbled for her on a scrap of paper: water-based for toys, silicone-based for long nights, try a small amount if you're curious about the effect.

What I can't say often enough is that using lubricant isn't an admission of dryness or inadequacy. It's a pleasure tool, just like sex toys or lingerie. A good lubricant doesn't hide anything — it adds something.

A few things to check before buying, which I'm summarizing here because it helps avoid regrets:

• What material is your sex toy made of? Silicone → water-based only.
• Do you use latex condoms? Oils and some silicones are incompatible.
• Planning to use it for anal sex? Choose a thick gel specifically formulated for that.
• Sensitive skin or mucous membranes? Read the ingredient list before buying.
• Looking for warming or stimulating effects? Test it on your wrist first, always.

She messaged me two weeks later. "I finally found the one." Three words. That's exactly why I opened this shop.