Written by Alicia Deroussen, founder of Adopt1Toy — no-taboo advice, offered with care.
“Long-distance relationships always end badly.” That’s something I’ve been hearing ever since I opened Adopt1Toy — often whispered by customers ordering a connected sex toy to feel a little closer to their partner 800 km away. Well, no. It’s not a universal truth; it’s a cliché that hurts people who are already going through a difficult situation. I went through several months of a long-distance relationship myself before launching the store — and I can tell you that the misconceptions people threw at me back then hurt me just as much as the distance itself. Since then, I’ve supported hundreds of customers in this situation, read serious research on the subject, and stopped believing that the pain of being apart says anything about how strong a couple is. There are a whole lot of clichés about long-distance relationships. And they all deserve to be debunked, one by one.
I’m not going to promise you it’s easy. But separating fact from fiction really changes how you experience your long-distance relationship day to day.
Long-distance relationship: what does it mean? A long-distance relationship is one in which partners live in different cities, regions, or countries and cannot share the same day-to-day physical life. It is characterized by time apart between reunions, primarily digital communication, and the need to actively maintain desire and trust despite the distance.
- “Distance inevitably kills desire”
- “ S’If he isn’t jealous, he doesn’t care”
- “You have to talk every day or it won’t work”
- “Reunions are always passionate”
- “Using a sex toy alone means cheating on your partner”
- “If it’s too hard, it means the relationship wasn’t meant to last”
“Distance inevitably kills desire”
C'est l'idée reçue numéro un sur les relations longues distances, et elle est partiellement vraie — ce qui la rend encore plus dangereuse. Oui, la routine physique disparaît. Oui, l'absence du corps de l'autre crée un vide réel. Mais ce que personne ne te dit, c'est que la distance peut aussi concentrer le désir. Le manque n'est pas que douleur : il peut être moteur.
What distance really does to desire
I have dozens of customers who tell me that reuniting after three weeks apart is one of the most intense moments of their life as a couple. Distance makes you actively desire each other and not take one another for granted. That’s no small thing. I’ve experienced those reunions myself—the ones that reset the clock and remind you why you chose this person.
What really kills desire in a long-distance relationship
What really kills desire in a long-distance relationship is the lack of shared erotic rituals—not the distance itself. Couples who explore connected sex toys, suggestive voice messages, or even just intimate text exchanges maintain a tension that can be surprising. My advice: don’t wait until you’re reunited to express desire. Desire can be nurtured over distance, and it takes conscious effort.
“ S’If he isn’t jealous, he doesn’t care”
This one drives me crazy. Jealousy as proof of love is a romantic myth that’s been around for far too long. In a long-distance relationship, it takes on a particular dimension: because you don’t see what the other person does day to day, your imagination can run wild. And when it does, some people start looking for “signs” of attachment in their partner’s jealousy.
L’Worry about the distance: normal, but not synonymous with jealousy
What’s true: feeling uneasy about the unknown is normal. Not knowing what your partner is doing on Friday night, not meeting their friends, not being able to read their body language—it’s unsettling. That uneasiness is real, and denying it would be stupid.
What’s false: jealousy as a barometer of love. A partner who doesn’t monitor your outings, check your phone, or ask you to justify your evenings isn’t indifferent. They trust you. And trust, in a long-distance relationship, is the one thing that really holds it together.
“You have to talk every day or it won’t work”
This self-imposed rule may be the one that creates the most unnecessary pressure. I talked at length with a customer who felt guilty about going a day without calling her partner—even though she was exhausted, overwhelmed, and the evening call had become a chore 
. She felt like a bad partner. She wasn’t.
Daily communication: beneficial or toxic?
Daily communication can be valuable when it comes naturally. It becomes toxic when it’s mechanical. A 45-minute video call every day because “that’s the couple’s rule”—during which you have nothing to say to each other—creates wear and tear, not closeness.
The rhythm that really works in a long-distance relationship
What works better in my experience (both at the boutique and from what I’ve read): communication that suits each person’s rhythm, with a few established rituals. A short call in the morning, a voice message in the evening, a long call on the weekend. The format matters less than the regularity you choose together—not one imposed by an outside standard.
And sometimes, a day without contact because one of you had an awful day and needed some space—that’s a normal day, not a red flag in a long-distance relationship.
“Reunions are always passionate”
Ah, the myth of the movie-style reunion. L’airport, bags dropping to the floor, tears and instant passion. I’m not saying it never happens. But it’s not the norm, and believing it should happen can create terrible pressure.
The reality of the first few hours after being apart
The reality of reuniting after a long separation is often more complex. There’s sometimes an adjustment period—getting used to each other’s rhythm, the sounds they make while eating, the space they take up in bed. Even very solid couples describe the first few hours together as slightly awkward, while they get back in sync. I remember a customer telling me she’d felt almost like a stranger to her partner for the first two hours—before everything naturally fell back into place.
What reunions are really like
What's true: Anticipation creates genuine excitement. Lack can make attachment more apparent. Reunions are often more emotionally and physically intense than everyday routine.
What’s not true: that they’re automatically and immediately steamy. If the first few hours are gentle, tender, awkward, or even exhausting (you’ve just spent 4 hours on a train), that’s a normal reunion, not a sign that something is wrong with your long-distance relationship.
“Using a sex toy by yourself is cheating on your partner”
I hear this one regularly. And it exasperates me with a consistency nothing can shake. L’The idea that pleasuring yourself when your partner is away is a form of infidelity — or at the very least proof that you don’t love the other person enough to “wait.”
Solo pleasure and long-distance relationships: a false conflict
No. Solo pleasure isn’t a substitute for love. It’s a way to take care of yourself, maintain a positive relationship with your own body, and reunite in a more emotionally balanced state - not frustrated to the core after three weeks.
How connected sex toys change the game
Even better: exploring your preferences on your own can enrich your intimate life at a distance. Knowing what you like, being able to share it in a message, turning it into a scenario for your reunion - that’s a form of intimacy that spans the miles. Connected sex toys, in particular, were designed exactly for this: to maintain a form of erotic sharing even when you’re apart. I’m thinking especially of remote-controlled stimulators, which let one partner take control from the other side of the country.
If you’re curious about exploring this, take a look at the shop’s connected sex toys collection — there are options for every comfort level and budget.
“If it’s too hard, it means the relationship wasn’t meant to last”
Last but not least, and probably the most pernicious idea. It takes a real challenge — and distance is hard, period — and turns it into a verdict on the relationship’s worth. As if struggling with being apart meant the long-distance relationship was doomed.
Suffering from being apart: proof of failure or proof of attachment?
It’s a remarkably striking reversal of logic. Missing someone is precisely because that person matters to you. Difficulty isn’t proof of future failure: it’s proof of a real attachment. When I went through my own period of distance, it took me weeks to understand that my discomfort wasn’t a sign we were breaking up—it was proof I had something to lose.
What research actually says about how long long-distance relationships last
What’s true: a long-distance relationship without a time limit — no reunion date, no shared plan — is statistically less likely to last. Lack of a shared horizon weighs heavily. This is documented, including in the work of Gregory Guldner, founder of the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships.
What’s false: that suffering proves you’re incompatible. It proves exactly the opposite. What matters is what you do with that suffering—whether you go through it together, with the right tools, honest communication, and a sense of what lies ahead, or whether you let it silently take hold until you’re worn down.
The three habits that really make a difference in a long-distance relationship:
- Set a horizon together — not necessarily a specific date, but a shared plan. “In six months, we’ll reassess the situation” is better than nothing.
- Actively maintain desire — through intimate rituals adapted to the distance (voice messages, connected sex toys, shared scenarios), without waiting for your reunion to do all the work.
- Talk about what’s difficult, not just everyday life — video calls that only cover the weather and work don’t build a connection; the ones where you dare to say “I miss you and I’m struggling this week” build something real.
A long-distance relationship isn’t a normal relationship in reduced mode. It’s its own format, with its own constraints and resources. And the ones that last don’t last by chance—they last because both partners have stopped believing it should be easy and decided it’s still worth working on.
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