Lubricant: the complete guide to choosing and using it correctly

Lubricant is one of those products that half of all people buy more or less at random, stash in a drawer, and take out again with the vague feeling that they've missed something. The other half don't buy it at all, and regret not having done so. I see it every week in my shop: lubricant remains the pleasure aisle's great mystery. Not because people aren't curious—they are—but because no one has ever really explained how it works. Not the differences between bases. Not material compatibility. Not questions of quantity, timing, or sensitive mucous membranes. So here it is: I'm laying everything out clearly. No chemical jargon, no endless list. Just what you need to know to make lubricant an instinctive part of pleasure, not a source of confusion.

Ocean — I figured that out a long time ago!

Why use lubricant—even when everything "works"

I'll start by dispelling a misconception I still hear far too often: lubricant isn't only used to "make up for" a lack of natural lubrication. It's not a warning sign, nor an admission of dryness or disinterest. It's a tool for comfort and pleasure—period.

Natural lubrication varies depending on hormonal cycles, stress levels, medications, menopause, breastfeeding, or simply having run 10 km during the day. It fluctuates, is unpredictable, and is often insufficient for specific activities—especially anal play, where the body produces no lubrication. Using lubricant in this context simply means taking care of your mucous membranes. Nothing more.

And then there's using it with sex toys: a vibrator, a plug, a masturbator—they all benefit enormously from a little gel. The sensations are smoother, comfort is greatly increased, and the lifespan of the toy is often extended. In this case, lubricant is almost as important as the sex toy itself.

The three main families: water, silicone, and oil

It all starts with the base. It's the most important decision, and it's often where people get lost. Here's the comparison chart I wish I'd had when I was starting out.

Water-based: the safe choice

This is the base I recommend first to anyone just starting out. It is compatible with absolutely everything: all sextoy materials, all types of condoms, and all mucous membranes. It cleans easily (clear water is enough) and leaves no greasy residue. Its only real drawback is that it evaporates and needs to be reapplied during the session. No need to make a big deal of it—just keep the bottle within reach. The Pjur water-based lubricant samples for women are perfect for trying it before investing in a larger size.

Silicone-based: for long-lasting use

Silicone lubricant is much longer-lasting than water-based lubricant. It does not evaporate, stays slippery without reapplication, and is ideal for anal practices or use in water (bath, shower). The golden rule to remember above all: never use silicone lubricant with a silicone sextoy . Silicone damages silicone, deforms the surface, and creates microcracks where bacteria can settle. With a glass, metal, or ABS (hard plastic) sextoy? No problem. The Pjur silicone lubricant sample lets you test the texture before committing to a full-size bottle.

Oil-based: targeted use

Oil-based lubricants—whether formulated from plant-derived oils or mineral oils—feel wonderfully smooth and work very well for erotic massage or external caresses. But they are not compatible with latex (standard condoms), as oil degrades latex and increases the risk of tearing. Reserve them for situations without condoms and without silicone sextoys. The Intimateline oil-based anal lubricant cream is a well-formulated exception for anal use—soothing, thick, and with a concentration suited to intense practices.

Anal lubricant: the rules of the game

Anal lubricant deserves its own section because the considerations are different. The rectum does not self-lubricate. At all. Zero. So lubrication isn’t an added comfort here — it’s an anatomical necessity. Using too little lubricant during anal penetration can cause microtears, discomfort, and even pain that may put you off it for a long time.

For anal play, I always recommend:

• A thick lubricant — gel or cream formulas stay in place better than liquids
• A silicone- or oil-based formula (if you’re not using a silicone sex toy) for lasting lubrication
• A generous amount — much more than you think you need
• Proactive reapplication, without waiting for discomfort to appear

For anal play with a plug or finger, the Intimateline anal lubricating cream is exactly what you need: a thick texture, a soothing effect, and a 150 ml format that lets you use a generous amount.

Sensitive skin and irritated mucous membranes: how to choose

This is the question I hear most often from people who have had bad experiences: itching afterward, a burning sensation, redness. In the vast majority of cases, the culprit isn’t the lubricant itself — it’s one or more problematic ingredients in the formula.

Ingredients to watch out for

Here’s what I look at first on a label when someone has reactive mucous membranes:

• Glycerin — found in many water-based lubricants, it may promote vaginal yeast infections in people who are predisposed to them
• Propylene glycol — a potential disruptor of the vaginal flora
• Parabens — controversial preservatives
• Fragrances and flavorings — even “natural” ones can cause irritation
• Osmolality — a lubricant that is too hyperosmolar dries out mucous membranes instead of hydrating them

For sensitive skin and mucous membranes, I recommend minimalist formulas. The Pjur Sensitive Glide sample is a good place to start: a short formula, free from glycerin and fragrance, designed for mucous membranes that react to everything. And for those looking for a more committed approach to the ingredients, the vegan formulas from Pjur — containing no animal products and no parabens — are a solid alternative.

Lubricant and sex toys: material-by-material compatibility

I repeat this information every week in the shop, so I’m putting it here in bold, in red in my mind, and encouraging you to memorize it:

The material rule:

Not sure what material your sex toy is made of? The default rule: water-based, always. You can’t go wrong.

Flavored and warming lubricants: when and how to use them

The “special” lubricant section always makes an impression in the shop. The flavors, warming and cooling effects, and effervescent formulas spark plenty of curiosity, along with a few mistakes I’d rather warn you about.

Flavored lubricants: for oral sex, not vaginal sex

Flavored lubricants — strawberry, vanilla, cherry, mojito — are designed to enhance oral play. The texture is often lighter, with a pleasant flavor. But I strongly advise against using them internally (vaginally or anally), as the glycerin they almost always contain to sweeten them can disrupt the vaginal flora. The Pasante flavored lubricant set is exactly in that spirit: 5 flavors in small sizes, ideal for trying out what gets your partner excited during a massage or oral sex.

Warming lubricants

The warming effect is caused by an ingredient (often capsaicin or menthol) that reacts on contact with the skin and body heat. The result is a warm sensation that can be very pleasant externally — on the external genitals, nipples, or during an erotic massage. Internally, it’s more delicate: mucous membranes react very differently from person to person. If you’ve never tried it, start with a very small amount on an external area before going any further.

How much, when, and how to apply it

We almost never talk about this — and yet it’s where many unsuccessful experiences begin. I’ve summed up in five points what I wish someone had told me.

1. Start before you need it. Lubricant should be applied in anticipation, not in an emergency. Waiting until you feel discomfort to use it is like waiting until you’re thirsty to drink. Apply it right at the beginning of the session.
2. Use more than you think you need. Especially for anal play, the “reasonable” amount is often half of what you actually need. There’s no downside to using too much lubricant — not enough, however, is a problem.
3. Apply it to both surfaces. On you AND on the toy (or your partner). Applying it to only one or the other means losing half the benefit.
4. Reapply without hesitation. If you feel it starting to drag slightly, that’s the signal. No need to interrupt dramatically—a short pause, a reapplication, and you’re good to go.
5. Keep it within easy reach. Lubricant at the back of a drawer is lubricant you won’t use. Put it on the bedside table, next to the lube that speaks to you.

Test before investing: why samples are your best allies

I never recommend buying a large bottle of lubricant without testing the formula first. Everyone’s skin is different, and so are the sensations. What glides smoothly for one person may feel sticky to another. What smells pleasant to one person may trigger a reaction in someone else.

That’s why I selected the Pjur samples for the shop. They cover every situation: the Pjur moisturizing sample for skin that needs extra comfort, Pjur Woman Nude with no additives at all for the most reactive mucous membranes, and Pjur Med silicone for a long-lasting first experience. With 1.5 to 2 ml, you know exactly what you’re getting into before buying 100 ml.

Lubricant is ultimately one of the few products in the shop where making the right choice really changes something concrete—not in an abstract way, but in the moment, in the immediate sensations, in the comfort of what’s happening. Taking the time to find the right formula, base, and texture is an investment in the next hundred moments. And that’s clearly worth taking seriously.

Sources

This article is intended for informational purposes and does not replace personalized medical advice.

• PubMed — Cunha A. R. et al., “Characterization of Commercially Available Vaginal Lubricants: A Safety Perspective”, Pharmaceutics, 2014 (osmolality, pH, and mucosal tolerance).
• PubMed — Randomized trial on the efficacy and safety of five water-based personal lubricants, 2023.
• CNGOF (French National College of Gynecologists and Obstetricians) — Menopause and beyond (vaginal dryness and intimate comfort).