Lubricant: the complete guide to choosing and using it correctly

Lube is one of those products that half of all people buy somewhat at random, stash in a drawer, and take out again with the vague impression that they've missed something. The other half don't buy it at all and regret not having done so. I see it every week in my shop: lube remains the pleasure aisle's great mystery. Not because people aren't curious — they are — but because no one has ever really explained how it works. Not the differences between the bases. Not material compatibility. Not questions of quantity, timing, or sensitive mucous membranes. So here it is: I'm laying it all out. No chemical jargon, no endless list. Just what you need to know to make lube a pleasure essential rather than a source of confusion.

Ocean — I figured that out a long time ago!

Why use lube — even when everything "works"

I'll start by dispelling a misconception I still hear far too often: lube isn't only used to "make up for" a lack of natural lubrication. It's not an alarm signal, nor an admission of dryness or lack of interest. It's a tool for comfort and pleasure — period.

Natural lubrication varies depending on the hormonal cycle, stress levels, medication, menopause, breastfeeding, or whether you've run 10 km that day. It's variable, unpredictable, and often insufficient for specific activities — especially anal sex, where the body produces no lubrication. Using lube in this context is simply a way of taking care of your mucous membranes. Nothing more.

And then there's using it with sex toys: a vibrator, a plug, a masturbator — they all benefit enormously from a little lube. The sensations are smoother, comfort is greatly enhanced, and the lifespan of the material is often extended. In this case, lube is almost as important as the sex toy itself.

The three main families: water, silicone, and oil

Everything starts with the base. It's the most important decision, and it's often where people get lost. Here's the comparison table I wish I'd had when I was starting out.

Water-based: the safe choice

This is the base I recommend first to anyone just starting out. It is compatible with absolutely everything: all sex toy materials, all types of condoms, and all mucous membranes. It rinses off easily (clean water is enough) and leaves no greasy residue. Its only real drawback is that it evaporates and needs to be reapplied during the session. No need to make a big deal of it—just keep the bottle within reach. The Pjur water-based samples for women are perfect for testing before investing in a large size.

Silicone-based: for long-lasting use

Silicone lubricant is much longer-lasting than water-based lubricant. It does not evaporate, remains slippery without reapplication, and is ideal for anal activities or use in water (bath, shower). The golden rule to remember above all: never use silicone lubricant with a silicone sex toy . Silicone damages silicone, deforms the surface, and creates microcracks where bacteria can settle. With a glass, metal, or ABS (hard plastic) sex toy? No problem. The Pjur silicone lubricant sample lets you test the texture before committing to a full-size bottle.

Oil-based: targeted use

Oil-based lubricants—whether formulated from plant derivatives or mineral oils—are wonderfully smooth and work very well for erotic massage or external caresses. But they are not compatible with latex (standard condoms), as oil weakens latex and increases the risk of tearing. Reserve them for situations without condoms and without silicone sex toys. The Intimateline oil-based anal lubricant cream is a well-formulated exception for anal use—soothing, thick, and with a concentration suited to intense activities.

Anal lubricant: the rules of the game

Anal lubricant deserves its own section because the considerations are different. The rectum does not lubricate itself. At all. Zero. So lubrication isn’t an added comfort here — it’s an anatomical necessity. Using too little lubricant during anal penetration can cause microtears, discomfort, and even pain that can put people off for a long time.

For anal play, I systematically recommend:

• A thick lubricant — gel or cream formulas stay in place better than liquids
• A silicone- or oil-based formula (if there is no silicone sex toy) for lasting lubrication
• A generous amount — much more than you think you need
• Proactive reapplication, without waiting for discomfort to appear

For anal play with a plug or finger, the Intimateline anal lubricating cream is exactly what you need: a thick texture, a soothing effect, and a 150 ml size that makes it possible to use plenty.

Sensitive skin and irritated mucous membranes: how to choose

This is the question I hear most often from people who have had bad experiences: itching afterward, a burning sensation, redness. In the vast majority of cases, the culprit isn’t the lubricant itself — it’s one or more problematic ingredients in the formula.

Ingredients to watch out for

Here’s what I look at first on a label when someone has reactive mucous membranes:

• Glycerin — found in many water-based lubricants, it can promote vaginal yeast infections in people who are predisposed to them
• Propylene glycol — a potential disruptor of the vaginal flora
• Parabens — controversial preservatives
• Fragrances and flavorings — even “natural” ones can cause irritation
• Osmolarity — a lubricant that is too hyperosmolar dries out mucous membranes instead of hydrating them

For sensitive skin and mucous membranes, I recommend minimalist formulas. The Pjur Sensitive Glide sample is a good place to start: a short formula, glycerin-free and fragrance-free, designed for mucous membranes that react to everything. And for those looking for a stronger commitment to the ingredients, the vegan Pjur sample — with no animal products and no parabens — is a solid alternative.

Lubricants and sex toys: material compatibility, one material at a time

I repeat this information every week in the store, so I’m putting it here in bold, red in my mind, and encouraging you to learn it by heart:

The materials rule:

Not sure what material your sex toy is made of? The default rule: water-based, always. You can’t go wrong.

Flavored and warming lubricants: when and how to use them

The “specialty” lubricant section always makes an impression in stores. Flavors, warming and cooling effects, effervescent formulas — lots of curiosity, and a few mistakes I’d rather help you avoid.

Flavored lubricants: for oral sex, not vaginal sex

Flavored lubricants — strawberry, vanilla, cherry, mojito — are designed to enhance oral activities. The texture is often lighter, and the flavor pleasant. But I strongly advise against using them internally (vaginally or anally), because the glycerin they almost always contain as a sweetener can disrupt the vaginal flora. The Pasante Gourmet Lubricant Gift Set fits this idea perfectly: 5 flavors in small sizes, ideal for testing what gets your partner excited during a massage or a session of oral sex.

Warming lubricants

The warming effect is caused by an ingredient (often capsaicin or menthol) that reacts on contact with the skin and body heat. The result is a sensation of warmth that can be very pleasant externally — on the external genitals, nipples, or during an erotic massage. Internally, it’s more delicate: mucous membranes react very differently from person to person. If you’ve never tried it, start with a very small amount on an external area before going further.

How much, when, and how to apply it

We almost never talk about this — and yet it’s where many failed experiences begin. I’ve summed up in five points what I wish someone had told me.

1. Start before you need it. Lubricant should be applied in anticipation, not in an emergency. Waiting until you feel discomfort to use it is like waiting until you're thirsty to drink. Apply it from the very beginning of the session.
2. Use more than you think you need. Especially for anal practices, the “reasonable” amount is often twice too little. Excess lubricant has no downside — too little does.
3. Apply it to both surfaces. On yourself AND on the toy (or partner). Applying it to only one or the other means losing half the benefit.
4. Reapply without hesitation. If you feel it starting to drag slightly, that’s the signal. No need to interrupt dramatically—a short pause, reapplication, and you’re good to go.
5. Keep it within reach. A lubricant at the back of the drawer is a lubricant that doesn’t get used. Put it on the nightstand, near the lube that speaks to you.

Test before investing: why samples are your best allies

I never recommend that anyone buy a large format of lubricant directly without testing the formula first. Skin varies, and so do sensations. What glides well for one person may feel sticky to another. What smells pleasant to one person may trigger a reaction in someone else.

That’s why I selected Pjur samples for the shop. They cover every situation: the Pjur moisturizing sample for skin lacking comfort, Pjur Woman Nude with no additives at all for the most reactive mucous membranes, and Pjur Med silicone for a first long-lasting experience. With 1.5 to 2 ml, you know exactly what you’re committing to before buying 100 ml.

Ultimately, lubricant is one of the few products in the shop where making the right choice really changes something tangible—not in the abstract, but in the moment, in the immediate sensation, in the comfort of what’s happening. Taking the time to find the right formula, base, and texture is an investment in the next hundred experiences. And that’s clearly worth taking seriously.

Sources

This article is intended for informational purposes and does not replace personalized medical advice.

• PubMed — Cunha A. R. et al., “Characterization of Commercially Available Vaginal Lubricants: A Safety Perspective,” Pharmaceutics, 2014 (osmolality, pH, and mucosal tolerability).
• PubMed — Randomized trial on the efficacy and safety of five water-based intimate lubricants, 2023.
• CNGOF (French National College of Gynecologists and Obstetricians) — Menopause and beyond (vaginal dryness and intimate comfort).