Female masturbation: why does this taboo persist?

Female masturbation remains a sensitive subject, still surrounded by silence and embarrassment, even though it is part of the body's natural functioning. When I talk about female masturbation, I mean a simple act: discovering yourself, understanding your sensations, and learning to listen to your body without pressure. Yet despite social progress, this subject is often still set aside. In this article, I'll go over all the basics with you, but also take things further: understanding where this taboo comes from, what science really tells us, and why this practice deserves to be viewed differently.

Female masturbation remains taboo, despite major advances in sexual liberation. Although male pleasure has long been normalized, women's pleasure still faces cultural, social, and psychological obstacles. Talking about female masturbation without shame or embarrassment is essential to normalizing this practice, which benefits women's physical and mental well-being. Let's explore the reasons behind this taboo, the little-known benefits of masturbation, and why this practice should not be seen as a threat to a relationship, but rather as something positive for both partners.

If you want to better understand your body, you can also consult the clitoris guide, which explains the stimulation zones and how they work in detail. For an even more in-depth approach, the article the clitoris: small organ, major misunderstanding explains everything that real anatomy reveals—and what is too rarely taught.

1. Why is female masturbation still taboo?

Cultural and religious heritage

For centuries, female sexuality has been confined by moral and religious constraints. In many societies, female pleasure has been considered illegitimate or secondary, reinforcing the idea that a woman's role is limited to that of mother or wife. Masturbation, perceived as a solitary act of self-gratification, therefore went against this traditional social role. While male pleasure has been widely tolerated, female orgasm has remained marginalized.

This historical context has left deep traces. Even today, certain beliefs persist unconsciously, influencing the way women perceive their own desire. Many women masturbate in silence, without talking about it, sometimes even with a form of residual guilt that they cannot really explain. Understanding this origin is already a way to gain perspective and distance oneself from these pressures.

Historical research also shows that some eras were more permissive than others. Ancient Rome and India (with the Kama Sutra) valued female pleasure. It was above all the more recent centuries, marked by a restrictive view of sexuality, that established the taboo as we know it. In other words, this silence is not a universal truth; it is a cultural construct that can be dismantled.

Gender stereotypes and perceptions of the body

The lack of representations of female masturbation in the media and popular culture also contributes to this taboo. While male masturbation is often portrayed in a humorous, ordinary, and even "normal" way, female masturbation is rarely shown, or is shown in highly sexualized contexts intended for male pleasure. This underrepresentation fuels widespread misunderstanding and perpetuates the idea that it is an abnormal or marginal act.

The problem goes further: when women who masturbate are represented, it is often for an outside gaze. The pleasure is not theirs; it becomes a spectacle. This confusion between intimate practice and performance perpetuates the idea that female masturbation must necessarily be aesthetic, eroticized, and performative. In reality, masturbation is often messy, pragmatic, and sometimes very quick. Just like men's, in fact.

You can also explore this topic further with this article: pornography and influence, which shows how much representations of female sexuality on screen distort real-life expectations and practices.

2. The benefits of female masturbation

A powerful stress reliever

Masturbation stimulates the release of endorphins, the feel-good hormones, thereby reducing anxiety and tension. This simple act also promotes better sleep by relaxing the muscles and lowering cortisol levels, the stress hormone.

Recent studies confirm that regular masturbation is associated with better sleep quality, a significant reduction in perceived stress, and even a positive effect on menstrual pain. Orgasm triggers a hormonal cascade (oxytocin, endorphins, prolactin) that acts as a natural anxiolytic. Many women also use masturbation as a way to fall asleep, and this is perfectly legitimate from a physiological perspective.

To learn more about well-being, you can read this article about massage and relaxation.

Self-knowledge

Exploring their own bodies allows women to better understand their sexual preferences and discover what gives them pleasure. By knowing their bodies, women can communicate their needs to their partners more easily.

This is probably the most underestimated benefit. A woman who knows her body knows what to say, what to ask for, and how to guide. She does not passively wait for the other person to guess—she actively participates in shared pleasure. This is also why sexologists often recommend masturbation to women who have difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner: you first need to know what works for you before hoping someone else will discover it in your place. The article faking pleasure also addresses this reality that many people experience in silence.

It can also boost confidence. I explain everything here: how to feel more confident in bed.

Physical health

Masturbation stimulates blood circulation in the pelvic area, which can help prevent certain discomforts associated with stagnation. It also helps maintain pelvic floor tone, which is particularly important after childbirth or as menopause approaches. Women who maintain an active sex life (with a partner or alone) generally retain better lubrication and sensitivity over the years.

Certain accessories can support this exploration: clitoral stimulators for precise external stimulation, clitoral suction stimulators for a different sensation without direct contact, or dildos for vaginal stimulation. The women's sex toys category offers a wide range, and the right choice depends above all on what you want to explore.

For those going through specific stages, the article on menopause and sexuality and the one on pelvic floor rehabilitation provide additional insight into how the body changes throughout life.

3. Female masturbation and relationships

Breaking down misconceptions

Some men perceive female masturbation as a form of betrayal or as an indication that they are unable to satisfy their partner. In reality, this is a misconception. Masturbation and sex as a couple are not competitors: they meet different needs. Masturbating does not mean that a partner is inadequate, any more than eating a sandwich at lunchtime means you no longer enjoy dinner.

Sexology studies even show the opposite: women who masturbate regularly generally report a more fulfilling sex life as a couple. They know their bodies better, express their desires more easily, and have a more stable libido over time. Masturbation enhances sex between two people; it does not replace it.

Connection and communication

Couples who talk openly about their sexual needs develop a relationship based on transparency. Being able to say "I like this sensation" or "I need more time here" transforms sex between two people: the partner no longer has to guess, and the woman no longer has to pretend to bring something that is not working to an end. This dialogue is easier to begin when each person already knows their own body.

Some couples take things further and incorporate toys into their shared intimacy. This is not an admission of failure; it is an opening. Watching your partner pleasure herself, or using a couples' sex toy together, can become a powerful source of intimacy.

If you want to explore couple dynamics further, you can read the couple's guide.

4. How can female masturbation be normalized?

Sex Education

To help young people develop a healthy relationship with their bodies, it is essential to address these subjects without embarrassment. Sex education that excludes female pleasure inevitably conveys the message that this pleasure does not exist or is not important. Including the clitoris in anatomical diagrams, explaining that masturbation is normal, and talking about the diversity of sensations: these are simple yet foundational educational steps.

Countries that have implemented comprehensive sex education, such as the Netherlands and Sweden, show far better outcomes: less sexual violence, fewer teenage pregnancies, and greater relationship satisfaction in adulthood. Knowledge protects; silence makes people vulnerable.

Breaking the Silence

Many women hesitate to talk about their experiences. Among friends, the subject is often avoided or treated as a joke. Yet daring to talk about it—even simply—changes so much. When a woman discovers that another shares the same practices, questions, and doubts, the shame dissolves on its own.

Podcasts, books, and Instagram accounts dedicated to female sexuality play a valuable role in this liberation. They normalize what was once unspoken and give words to what was previously nothing but silence. In my own shop, I receive messages every day from women asking me questions for the first time—questions they had kept to themselves for years. This simple act—daring to ask—is already a first step toward liberation.

Including men

Including men in this discussion helps deconstruct misconceptions. Many men have never learned how a woman’s body really works—not out of ill will, but because their education did not provide them with this information. Allowing them to ask questions without judgment, including them in the discussion, and having them read articles about female anatomy and pleasure is the best way to bring about lasting change.

A partner who understands that female masturbation is not a competition becomes a better lover as well. They lose the fear of being inadequate, welcome their partner’s feedback with greater peace of mind, and build a more vibrant shared sex life. This change in perspective benefits everyone.

Conclusion

Female masturbation is an intimate, beneficial, and above all normal practice. It is an integral part of how the body functions, just like breathing, digestion, or recovery during sleep. Turning it into a taboo deprives women of a tool for well-being, self-knowledge, and even health.

Today, it is becoming essential to consider this practice for what it is: a natural component of sexual health. Not a shameful secret, not unfair competition within a relationship, not a practice reserved for “liberated” women: simply a straightforward way to get to know yourself and take care of yourself. The more naturally we talk about it, the more future generations will grow up with a peaceful relationship with their own bodies. This is probably the most beautiful gift we can pass on to them.